Life: POEM

my brain likes to block me

and stop me

from sharing my truths

yes, it stems from self-preservation

but letting myself free

is long overdue

i have been living a life defined by an outdated patriarchy

it has drained my spark and left me descending darkly

i want to be the person i see in my head

not this sickly mass of fear and anger instead

i say yes, but my heart and soul scream no

my whole life feels like a lie and that is no way to go

I push it all down like many times before

even though i know it will come bubbling and boiling back up stronger than before

Just popped on today to share another little something I wrote while doing some solo reflection. Also thought I’d share a few more nature photos I took, these ones were from a recent walk with an old school friend.

Thanks for visiting Sarah Says. I hope wherever you are you are healthy and safe.

Fractured: POEM

i woke up this morning feeling fractured

my brain sore like it’s bruised and battered

my thoughts all dodging this way and then that way in a scatter


i want to run and hide from all the chatter and clatter

my thoughts fighting to make it to the top of my mental ladder

they get to the top

flip me off

then fall back into the darkness and shatter

and every morning i wake up and feel my face for the fractures

Just popped on today to share another little something I wrote (early this morning before anyone else was up). Also thought I’d share a photo I then took later on today while out on a walk.

Thanks for visiting Sarah Says. I hope wherever you are you are healthy and safe.

When I Ask Why: POEM

when I ask why
the only reply
is break the chain
because once society is slain
all the remains
can reconfigure its brain

rectify this mess
because to be alive on this earth
means we are blessed

turn off the news
put on your shoes
go walk with the trees
go talk with the bees

understand the world is not yours
get down on your knees
thank the mother sun
from once we come

rectify this mess
because to be alive on this earth
means we are blessed

your life is not yours
we are all part of the cycle

all of this anger
all of this hate
give it away
because it’s almost too late

when I ask why
the only reply
is break the chain
because once society is slain
all the remains
can reconfigure its brain

Just popped on today to share a little something I wrote while on a walk and a few nature pics.

Thanks for visiting Sarah Says. I hope wherever you are you are healthy and safe.

It’s been awhile: Life Update

It’s been awhile since I posted here (March to be exact), but I woke up this morning with the need to say hello – so here I go with a little life update.

I’ve always identified more with men than women, something I’ve tried to suppress for many years. But this suppression has caused me to have a major disconnect from my body and I’m sick of it. I want to be able to accept and love myself for all of myself and I have begun to. It has now come to a point where I cannot continue to heal and grow in the shadows. So, from this point forward I am going to attempt to show the world all the parts of me.

I started an Instagram and TikTok accounts using a pseudonym to allow myself the safeness of a secret place to be able to get past the block in my brain and start to share parts of myself, whether that’s my art or when I was in the middle of a gender dysphoria breakdown. But I am now realising it doesn’t help if I’m not sharing these parts of me with the ones I love.

I’ve fort against myself when it comes to my name, as the one I was given at birth, beautiful as it is, is feminine and most of the time I feel I am not. I’ve played around with the idea of changing my name but can’t quite stomach it. I’ve now realised that the name is not the issue, it’s the way I was presenting myself that felt unnatural to me.

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching, talking to doctors, taking their meds, taking up new hobbies that get me back out in nature and free that little kid I suppressed when I was that little kid. I am actively trying to drop my mask when I am in safe settings, I am actively working towards better physical and mental health. And I will bounce back bigger and better than ever as my whole self, but I know it will take time.

I am in the process of completely rearranging my life. The father of my children and I have admirably separated, and the kids and I have moved in with my parents. I am finishing up my job at my family’s automotive workshop soon and am enrolled at university for next year – so lots of big things changing and lots a big new adventures to be had.

If you are interested in the Art and self-expression I have started posting on Instagram and Tik Tok (totally not going to be offended if you’re not) you can find me at @absidityart – but be warned, I have no intention of censoring myself there, because it is my own censoring of myself that has made me feel lost, unloved, and alone. While I’ve suffered silently and internally most of my adult life, I suffer no more, because I am accepting all of me, and I know with time I will be able to grow to love all of me, because I now know I am worthy of love – Yay! Progress!

So, HI *waves enthusiastically while half hiding behind a tree because being authentic is scary* I’m Sarah, a Queer Neurodivergent nature and art loving creature, with a passion for supporting the underdog, drag queens, sci-fi, small fluffy critters, and learning all I can about the natural world around me. I’m anti boxes made by society and think gender roles are the biggest load of shit that’s ever been rammed down my throat. Going forward my preferred pronouns are they/he – but I’m not going to get mad at you if you say she, because I understand that’s the conditioning society forced on you. The fear that comes with expecting most of the people in my life to not understand is what has held me back, but I now realise I need to give them and you reading this the benefit of the doubt and if they and you can’t come to terms with it that is not my fault.

ANYWAYS, I’m logging off again now, but will be to be more active in the future If the mood strikes.

I wish whomever is reading this love and happiness. Stay Safe.

Regards,

Sarah.

The Plastic Throne: Children’s Picture Book Review

The Plastic Throne by Amani Uduman & Kera Bruton
Genre: Children’s Picture Book
Publication: 1st March 2021
Publisher: MidnightSun Publishing
Source: Review copy from the publisher – Thank You
Rating: ✵✵✵✵✵

Denver flushes all kinds of things down the toilet but never stops to think about what happens to them once they are gone. One night, while he sleeps, the ocean begins to stir, no longer able to suppress its fury over how it is being treated. Can Denver and his sister Maisy make things right before it is too late?

This engaging story touches on the concepts of sustainability and the protection of our natural environment all while keeping a tongue placed firmly in its cheek.

LINKS: GoodreadsBooktopiaAngus & RobertsonDymocksBoomerang Books.

When a four-year-old asks you to read a book three times in a row you know you are onto a winner, especially if it is one aiming for environmental education, and this was the case when I read The Plastic Throne from children’s author and primary school teacher Amani Udman and debut illustrator Kera Bruton with my boys.

The story follows a little boy named Denver as he flushes the veggies, he does not want to eat down the toilet. When this works well for him, he starts flushing broken toys, the cat, his sisters’ bike – anything he does not like or wants to hide. Obviously, this back-fires, comedically so, and the ocean swells with rubbish engulfing his town in rubbish, water, and ocean creatures. Denver realises the error of his ways with the help of his sister Maisy, and they try to rectify his mistakes.

The Plastic Throne is a bright and colorful picture book with an engaging story and artwork. The ending of the story opens the opportunity for deeper conversations with children about the responsible conservation of the earth’s environment and how to dispose of rubbish responsibly. And it is a read I highly recommend.

Thanks for visiting sarahfairbairn.com 🙂
Until next time, enjoy your shelves 🙂

Footprints On The Moon: Review

Footprints On The Moon by Lorraine Marwood
Genre: Historical Verse novel, #LoveOzYA/MG
Publication: February 2nd, 2021
Publisher: University of Queensland Press
Source: @AusYaBloggers Tour
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Rating: ✵✵✵✵

Humans are about to leave footprints on the moon, but what sort of mark can one girl make here on earth?

It’s 1969 and life is changing fast. Sharnie Burley is starting high school and finding it tough to make new friends. As the world waits to see if humans will land on the moon, the Vietnam War rages overseas. While her little cousin, Lewis, makes pretend moon boots, young men are being called up to fight, sometimes without having any choice in the matter. Sometimes without ever coming home.

Dad thinks serving your country in a war is honourable, but when Sharnie’s older sister, Cas, meets a returned soldier and starts getting involved in anti-war protests, a rift in their family begins to show. Sharnie would usually turn to her grandma for support, but lately Gran’s been forgetting things.

Can she find her own way in this brave new world?

About The Author: Lorraine Marwood was born and raised in rural Victoria and has lived for most of her married life on a dairy farm with her husband and their six children. Lorraine is an award-winning poet who has been widely published in literary magazines across Australia, as well as magazines in the UK, USA, New Zealand and Canada. She has also published several children’s novels and collections of poetry.

Author Links: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook | UQP Australia | Goodreads


Set in 1969 this verse novel by award-winning Aussie poet Lorraine Marwood follows the life of Sharnie as she navigates the first year of high school. Not only is Sharnie dealing with everything that happens when you start growing up – Friendships changing, making new friends and losing old, learning how to navigate bullies and the rules of high school – she can also tell her Grandma mind is starting to slip, that’s already so much to deal with emotionally, and I haven’t even touched on the War and Moon landings.

At the start of the book, Sharnie and her sister Cas are starting to drift apart. I loved seeing them coming back together by the end of the book, it was one of the highlights for me. As was Sharnie growing as a person and coming to realize how complicated life and the big and wild world is. Another highlight was Sharnie embracing Gail, whose brother was killed Vietnam War, and the beautiful and meaningful friendship they develop.

The moon landing plot was always in the background, and with the addiction of Sharnie’s space-obsessed little cousin, it provided relief from what is actually a very sad story.  I will be honest and say that I cried A LOT reading this book, every time their Grandma was mentioned it ripped me apart.

The War, conscription, and anti-war protests also feature heavily, but nothing is ever so descriptive that this book would be unsuitable for young audiences. I actually think this book is a magnificent time capsule for 1969 Australia – but this story is also timeless and universal, and one I will be encouraging my boys to read once they are a little older.

Check out the rest of the tour HERE.

Thanks for visiting sarahfairbairn.com 🙂
Until next time, enjoy your shelves 🙂

For Eternity: Queer-Review

57053135. sy475 For Eternity by Samantha Calcott
Genre: M/M, BDSM, Paranormal, Romance (Queer Novella)
Publication: February 14th, 2021
Source: Review copy from Author – Thank You
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Rating: ✵✵✵✵

After World War Three, the world is scourged by vampires, and the only hope of stopping them lays in the hands of nineteen-year-old Desi Duponce. He has an idea, but in order for it to come to fruition, he must collaborate with the older wizard Oscar Scott. Desi didn’t expect his new partner to be so alluringly handsome. In addition to fighting the vampires, Oscar teaches him much more than he expected as he shows Desi the true pleasures of being his submissive.


For Eternity was a valentine’s day release, sadly I did not get it read in time. I will say that I think It would make for a fantastic date-night with yourself read, or you could read it to someone – either way 😊.

The romance/sex is male on male, so step away if you are afraid.

The two main characters are the younger Desmond Duponce, who lost both parents to vampire attacks when he was a babe. And the older Oscar Scott, whose reputation as a potion’s master proceeds him. The unlikely duo ends up spending six months together down in Oscar’s Lab developing more than just an airborne weapon to be used in the war on vampires, they also develop a deep and loving Dom and Sub relationship. The romance is cheeky and fun sometimes, and hot and heavy other times.

I really enjoyed this romance novella. It was short, sweet, and sexy – yes, even BDSM can be written into a fast and fun read. I would love to read more from this world Ms. Colcott has created and see more of WW3 and the Nuclear Vampires.

All in all, I found that For Eternity had a good balance of world-building and action (warcraft and sexual). Part paranormal horror, part romance, part BDSM erotica – you might be surprised at how well-rounded this story is, and by the twist at the end.


About the Author: Samantha Calcott is a secret lover of romance when it’s done right, and after years of writing under another pen name in the horror and paranormal genres, she decided to dip her toe into a brand new genre.

She’s a Midwestern girl who spent nearly a decade in the gritty heart of Los Angeles, where sex, drug, and rock n’ roll reign.

When not writing, she’s reading, at a concert, or cooking. She currently lives in Chicago. She also writes horror and paranormal books as USA Today bestselling author Lily Luchesi.

Goodreads ~ Amazon ~ Twitter ~ Facebook ~ Instagram

Thanks for visiting sarahfairbairn.com 🙂
Until next time, enjoy your shelves 🙂

Girl of the Southern Sea: Review

GIRL OF THE SOUTHERN SEA By Michelle Kadarusman
Genre: Middle-Grade Contemporary
Publication: February 2nd, 2021
Publisher: University Queensland Press
Source: Review copy received as part of the @AusYABloggers tour, THANK YOU.
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Rating: ✵✵✵✵

A gifted student, Nia longs to attend high school so she can follow her dream and become a writer. She has notebooks filled with stories she’s created about the mythological Dewi Kadita, Princess of the Southern Sea. But her family has barely enough money for food, let alone an education, so Nia’s days are spent running their food cart and raising her younger brother.

Following a miraculous escape from a bus accident, Nia is gifted with good-luck magic. Or at least that’s what everyone’s saying. Soon their family business is booming and there might even be enough money to return to school. But how long can her good luck last?

When a secret promise threatens everything she’s hoped for, Nia must find a way to break the mould and write her own future.

About The Author:  Michelle’s first middle-grade novel The Theory of Hummingbords was nominated for the OLA Silver Birch Express, MYRCA Sundogs and SYRCA Diamond Willow awards. Her novel Girl of the Southern Sea was a 2019 Governor General’s Award finalist, USBBY Outstanding Book and Freeman Book Award Honorable Mention. Her new novel, Music for Teens, released in 2020.

Michelle grew up in Melbourne, Australia and has also lived in Bali, Surabaya and Jakarta in Indonesia. She currently lives in Toronto, Canada. You can find her @ Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and Goodreads.


The story opens in the slums of Jakarta Indonesia with POV Nia trying to get her drunken father home. A series of events (no spoilers here) leaves 14-year-old Nia’s father MIA and sees her having to work the Family’s banana cart by herself to feed herself, her 5-year-old brother Rudi, and to pay off their fathers’ debts.

Nia has had to play the role of mother to her little brother since their mother died giving birth to him. Even with this, Nia has no hated or resentment towards Rudi, rather she looks at having him as still having a piece of her mum to hold. She does come to, and rightly so, resent her father’s addiction to alcohol.

Nia is a natural-born storyteller, and she yearns to attend high school, and later become a writer. But sadly, in Nia’s part of the world, the government schools are only free until the end of middle school and Nia does not have enough money for the fees to attend high school. Even though I am trying to be spoiler-free, I will say that I love that Michelle included the stories that Nia writes her little brother and friends, so that the reader can enjoy them too.

At 14 Nia’s character is age-wise on the border of middle grade and young adult, Girl of the Southern Sea has been written for the MG market. The story is quick and engaging, written in a beautifully simple and flowing style. And fear not, the story does have a happy ending. Everything does not end all fairytale and fluffy, but the reader is left with the hope that things will improve for Nia, thanks to her being a hard worker and never giving up on her dreams.

Ultimately Girl of the Southern Sea is a story of never giving up or losing hope. A story of holding onto your dreams and working hard to make them a reality.

Thanks for visiting sarahfairbairn.com 🙂
Until next time, enjoy your shelves 🙂

Hello, my name is Sarah.

I am a big-time dreamer, wannabe world traveler, and book lover.

I am an Aussie with Scottish and English Heritage.

I am a Bisexual, yes even though I am married to a man, I am still attracted to women – always have been, always will be!

I am a Sci-Fi nut (thanks Mum) and I have a very wide taste in music (also thanks Mum, and my grandmothers). Music and Art in general are my saviour, my church, my release.

I have struggled with depression, social anxiety, body dysmorphia, and thanatophobia my whole life. Arthritis came along in my late-twenties and my overall anxiety gets worse with each passing day. But very few of you would know any of that because I have always kept it to myself. If you come up to me in public I’ll plaster on my biggest and warmest smile, act happy and be friendly (and I am friendly underneath it all, but I should get an Oscar for the performance I’ve been putting on the last 33 years).

I had my first panic attack at the start of October. It landed me in the ER, as Shane thought I was having a stroke/heart attack (something sinister anyways). I have had a few attacks since then and bad days that have left me locked in my head unable to function. I had one last night. It started from just having a down day and ended with me on the bathroom floor rocking back and forth, crying while going through calming exercises to try and drag myself back to reality.

And yes, I have had some professional help over the years. I’ve partaken in therapy, altered my diet, taken drugs from doctors and herbs from naturopaths. I’ve tried and will keep on trying to manage my conditions. I want to be well and I am not a quitter. It’s just not in my DNA to give up, although most times it seems like the easiest option.

I do not tell my friends and family what is going on with me because I do not want to bring them down – but all that has done is made me feel completely alone. I am not telling you this because I want sympathy – fuck no! I am here, holding myself accountable for my own wellbeing. I am here, trying to be my most authentic self.

I decided to post this in the hopes of raising awareness. I want you to CHECK IN ON YOUR MATES. Get in their heads and let them in yours. LIFE IS TOO HARD TO FACE ALONE, and after 33 years, I cannot keep it up. So here we are.

Hi, my name is Sarah and I’m pleased to meet you.